Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
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