We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
