my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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