I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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