hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
