he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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