Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
