I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
