I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
