guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
