I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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