i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
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