We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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