i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
