Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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