He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
