I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
