You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
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Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
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BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.