your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
20+ Kids Who Probably Didn’t Mean To Draw Hardcore Porn
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.