Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?