Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
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he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex