She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I smell like Dick and happiness
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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