Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
