Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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