and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Mom said you looked used
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
