oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
How's work?
Spinning.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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