You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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