Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
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