I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Randomize
