i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
