my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
