I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
