turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
