So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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