he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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