he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
