I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
