So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Terrible idea I love it
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
