at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
