at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
