Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
