I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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