you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
