So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
