also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
