We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
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I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
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I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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