70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
