i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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