Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
she looked like the before picture.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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