I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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