I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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