i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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