I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize