We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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