Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Barsexuality is the new black.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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