I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
