I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
