I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
