The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
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I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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