i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
