You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
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Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
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I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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